Like Whitton, NDE researchers have also uncovered evidence that our lives are planned beforehand, at least to some extent, and we each play a role in the creation of this plan. This is apparent in several aspects of the experience. Frequently after arriving in the world of light, NDEers are told that "it is not their time yet." As Ring points out, this remark clearly implies the existence of some kind of "life plan." It is also clear that NDEers play a role in the formulation of these destinies, for they are often given the choice whether to return or stay. There are even instances of NDEers being told that it is their time and still being allowed to return. Moody cites a case in which a man started to cry when he realized he was dead because he was afraid his wife wouldn't be able to raise their nephew without him. On hearing this the being told him that since he wasn't asking for himself he would be allowed to return. In another case a woman argued that she hadn't danced enough yet. Her remark caused the being of light to give a hearty laugh and she, too, was given permission to return to physical life.
That our future is at least partially sketched out is also evident in a phenomenon Ring calls the "personal flashforward." On occasion, during the vision of knowledge, NDEers are shown glimpses of their own future. In one particularly striking case a child NDEer was told various specifics about his future, including the fact that he would be married at age twenty-eight and would have two children. He was even shown his adult self and his future children sitting in a room of the house he would eventually be living in, and as he gazed at the room he noticed something very strange on the wall, something that his mind could not grasp. Decades later and after each of these predictions had come to pass, he found himself in the very scene he had witnessed as a child and realized that the strange object on the wall was a "forced-air heater," a kind of heater that had not yet been invented at the time of his NDE.
In another equally astonishing personal flashforward a female NDEer was shown a photograph of Moody, told his full name, and told that when the time was right she would tell him about her experience. The year was 1971 and Moody had not yet published Life after Life, so his name and picture meant nothing to the woman. However, the time became "right" four years later when Moody and his family unwittingly moved to the very street on which the woman lived. That Halloween Moody's son was out trick-or-treating and knocked on the woman's door. After hearing the boy's name, the woman told him to tell his father she had to talk to him, and when Moody obliged she related her remarkable story.
I’ve been deep diving into the real roots of why we feel afraid to share our spiritual messages, even with our close friends and family.
The answer lies in the witch wound.
We all have baggage around the word "witch," but one of my teachers Sarah Durham Wilson reframed it when she said that a witch is a powerful female healer.
And powerful female healers have been through the ringer.
The witch wound is the psychic trauma that all women carry after millennia of invalidation, disempowerment, and abuse. Patriarchal culture has systematically invalidated feminine gifts like intuition, embodiment, collaboration, emotional intelligence, and healing.
The witch wound is what rears its ugly head when any awakened woman has the audacity to put herself out there as her authentic, powerful, healing, intuitive, witchy self. It gets even more triggered when that same woman decides to charge what she’s worth for those gifts. [...]
It’s Time to Rise
This wisdom is ancient, but it is becoming mainstream enough that more and more women are feeling called to come out of the closet, share their truth (just look at #metoo), and not take no for an answer.
We are becoming less and less ashamed of being who we are — powerful, emotional, intuitive creatures who hold the mysteries of creation in our being.
In-tune, compassionate, collaborative leaders who are here to change the game.
Confident, articulate, no-fucks-given women who speak our truths, activate our gifts, and start movements with our message.
Some NDEs even support Loye's proposal that several holographic parallel universes, or time tracks, exist. On occasion NDEers are shown personal flashforwards and told that the future they have witnessed will come to pass only if they continue on their current path. In one unique instance an NDEer was shown a completely different history of the earth, a history that would have developed if "certain events" had not taken place around the time of the Greek philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras three thousand years ago. The vision revealed that if these events, the precise nature of which the woman does not disclose, had failed to take place, we would now be living in a world of peace and harmony marked "by the absence of religious wars and of a Christ figure." Such experiences suggest that the laws of time and space operative in a holographic universe may be very strange indeed.
But… if everything has already happened, then it follows that I am powerless to change my future. Is this predestination?
No! Don’t buy into that! That is not true. In fact, this “set up” should serve you, not disserve you!
You are always at a place of free will and total choice. Being able to see into the “future” (or get others to do it for you) should enhance your ability to live the life you want, not limit it.
How? I need help here.
If you “see” a future event or experience you do not like, don’t choose it! Choose again! Select another! Change or alter your behavior so as to avoid the undesired outcome.
But how can I avoid that which has already happened?
It has not happened to you — yet! You are at a place in the Space-Time Continuum where you are not consciously aware of the occurrence. You do not “know” it has “happened.” You have not “remembered” your future!
(This forgetfulness is the secret of all time. It is what makes it possible for you to “play” the great game of life!)
What you do not “know” is not “so.” Since “you” do not “remember” your future, it has not “happened” to “you” yet! A thing “happens” only when it is “experienced.” A thing is “experienced” only when it is “known.”
Now let’s say you’ve been blessed with a brief glimpse, a split-second “knowing,” of your “future.” What’s happened is that your Spirit — the nonphysical part of you — has simply sped to another place on the Space-Time Continuum and brought back some residual energy — some images or impressions — of that moment or event.
These you can “feel” — or sometimes another who has developed a metaphysical gift can “feel” or “see” these images and energies that are swirling about you.
If you don’t like what you “sense” about your “future,” step away from that! Just step away from it! In that instant you change your experience — and everyone of You breathes a sigh of relief!
Wait a minute! Whoaaaa—?
You must know — you are now ready to be told — that you exist at every level of the Space-Time Continuum simultaneously.
That is, your soul Always Was, Always Is, and Always Will Be — world without end — amen.
I “exist” more places than one?
Of course! You exist everywhere — and at all times!
There is a “me” in the future and a “me” in the past?
Well, “future” and “past” do not exist, as we’ve just taken pains to understand — but, using those words as you have been using them, yes.
There is more than one of me?
There is only one of you, but you are much larger than you think!
So when the “me” that exists “now” changes something he doesn’t like about his “future,” the “me” that exists in the “future” no longer has that as part of his experience?
Essentially yes. The whole mosaic changes. But he never loses the experience he’s given himself. He’s just relieved and happy that “you” don’t have to go through that.
But the “me” in the “past” has yet to “experience” this, so he walks right into it?
In a sense, yes. But, of course, “you” can help “him.”
I can?
Sure. First, by changing what the “you” in front of you experienced, the “you” behind you may never have to experience it! It is by this device that your soul evolves.
In the same way, the future “you” got help from his own future self, thus helping you avoid what he did not.
Brett Hall: What we’re compelled to think about quantum theory, given the experiments, is that every single possible thing that can happen does happen. This means that there is no inherent uncertainty in the universe because everything that can happen actually will happen. It’s not like some things will happen and some things won’t happen. Everything happens.
There is only one way for you to know yourself as Me, and that is for you first to know yourself as not Me. [...]
Upon entering the physical universe, you relinquished your remembrance of yourself. This allows you to choose to be Who You Are, rather than simply wake up in the castle, so to speak. [...]
Your job on Earth, therefore, is not to learn (because you already know), but to re-member Who You Are.
Know this: there is no such thing as an incorrect path — for on this journey you cannot “not get” where you are going.
It is simply a matter of speed — merely a question of when you will get there — yet even that is an illusion, for there is no “when,” neither is there a “before” or “after.” There is only now; an eternal moment of always in which you are experiencing yourself.
Then what is the point? If there is no way not to “get there,” what is the point of life? Why should we worry at all about anything we do?
Well, of course, you shouldn’t. But you would do well to be observant. Simply notice who and what you are being, doing, and having, and see whether it serves you.
The point of life is not to get anywhere — it is to notice that you are, and have always been, already there. You are, always and forever, in the moment of pure creation. The point of life is therefore to create — who and what you are, and then to experience that.
To conduct his research, Whitton gathered together a core group of roughly thirty people. These included individuals from all walks of life, from truck drivers to computer scientists, some of whom believed in reincarnation and some of whom did not. He then hypnotized them individually and spent literally thousands of hours recording everything they had to say about their alleged previous existences.
Even in its broad strokes the information was fascinating. One striking aspect was the degree of agreement between the subjects' experiences. All reported numerous past lives, some as many as twenty to twenty-five, although a practical limit was reached when Whitton regressed them to what he calls their "caveman existences," when one lifetime became indistinguishable from the next. All reported that gender was not specific to the soul, and many had lived at least one life as the opposite sex. And all reported that the purpose of life was to evolve and learn, and that multiple existences facilitated this process. [...]
Many of the subjects also experienced profound psychological and physical healings as a result of the traumatic past-life memories they unearthed, and gave uncannily accurate historical details about the times in which they had lived. Some even spoke languages unknown to them. While reliving an apparent past life as a Viking, one man, a thirty-seven-year-old behavioral scientist, shouted words that linguistic authorities later identified as Old Norse. After being regressed to an ancient Persian lifetime, the same man began to write in a spidery, Arabic-style script that an expert in Near Eastern languages identified as an authentic representation of Sassanid Pahlavi, a longextinct Mesopotamian tongue that flourished between A. D. 226 and 651. [...]
[Dr. Ian Stevenson, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia Medical School] interviews young children who have spontaneously remembered apparent previous existences. He has spent more than thirty years in this pursuit and has collected and analyzed thousands of cases from all over the globe.
According to Stevenson, spontaneous past-life recall is relatively common among children, so common that the number of cases that seem worth considering far exceeds his staff's ability to investigate them. Generally children are between the ages of two and four when they start talking about their "other life, " and frequently they remember dozens of particulars, including their name, the names of family members and friends, where they lived, what their house looked like, what they did for a living, how they died, and even obscure information such as where they hid money before they died and, in cases involving murder, sometimes even who killed them.
Indeed, frequently their memories are so detailed Stevenson is able to track down the identity of their previous personality and verify virtually everything they have said. He has even taken children to the area in which their past incarnation lived, and watched as they navigated effortlessly through strange neighborhoods and correctly identified their former house, belongings, and past-life relatives and friends. [...]
[Stevenson] has also found instances in which distinctive facial features, foot deformities, and other characteristics have carried over from one life to the next. Most numerous among these are physical injuries carrying over as scars or birthmarks. In one case, a boy who remembered being murdered in his former life by having his throat slit still had a long reddish mark resembling a scar across his neck. In another, a boy who remembered committing suicide by shooting himself in the head in his past incarnation still had two scarlike birthmarks that lined up perfectly along the bullet's trajectory, one where the bullet had entered and one where it had exited. And in another, a boy had a birthmark resembling a surgical scar complete with a line of red marks resembling stitch wounds, in the exact location where his previous personality had had surgery.
In fact, Stevenson has gathered hundreds of such cases and is currently compiling a four-volume study of the phenomenon. In some of the cases he has even been able to obtain hospital and/or autopsy reports of the deceased personality and show that such injuries not only occurred, but were in the exact location of the present birthmark or deformity.
Is there such a thing as reincarnation? How many past lives have I had? [...]
It is difficult to believe there is still a question about this. I find it hard to imagine. There have been so many reports from thoroughly reliable sources of past life experiences. Some of these people have brought back strikingly detailed descriptions of events, and such completely verifiable data as to eliminate any possibility that they were making it up or had contrived to somehow deceive researchers and loved ones. [...]
Do you think this is your first attempt at this?
I have no idea.
It doesn’t seem as if you’ve been here before?
Sometimes.
Well, you have. Many times.
How many times?
Many times. [...]
You were everything in [those lives]. A king, a queen, a serf. A teacher, a student, a master. A male, a female. A warrior, a pacifist. A hero, a coward. A killer, a savior. A sage, a fool. You have been all of it! [...]
That’s supposed to encourage me?
It’s supposed to inspire you.
How so?
First, it takes the worry out of it. It brings in the “can’t fail” element you just talked about. It assures you that the intention is for you not to fail. That you’ll get as many chances as you want and need. You can come back again and again and again. If you do get to the next step, if you evolve to the next level, it’s because you want to, not because you have to. [...]
And so you ask a very good question. Why go on? Why even start off on such a path? What is to be gained from embarking on such a journey? Where is the incentive? What is the reason?
The reason is ridiculously simple.
THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
What do You mean?
I mean this is the only game in town. There is nothing else to do. In fact, there is nothing else you can do. You are going to be doing what you are doing for the rest of your life — just as you have been doing it since birth. The only question is whether you’ll be doing it consciously, or unconsciously. [...]
But remember, none of it has been exactly a drudge. I mean, you’ve loved all of it! Every last minute! Oh, it’s delicious, this thing called life! It’s a scrumptious experience, no?
Well, yes, I suppose.
You suppose? How much more scrumptious could I have made it? Are you not being allowed to experience everything? The tears, the joy, the pain, the gladness, the exaltation, the massive depression, the win, the lose, the draw? What more is there?
A little less pain, perhaps.
Less pain without more wisdom defeats your purpose; does not allow you to experience infinite joy — which is What I Am.
Be patient. You are gaining wisdom. And your joys are now increasingly available without pain. That, too, is a very good sign.
Do you imagine that a human soul encounters life challenges — whatever they may be — by accident? Is this your imagining?
Do you mean a soul chooses what kind of life it will experience ahead of time?
No, that would defeat the purpose of the encounter. The purpose is to create your experience — and thus, create your Self — in the glorious moment of Now. You do not, therefore, choose the life you will experience ahead of time.
You may, however, select the persons, places, and events — the conditions and circumstances, the challenges and obstacles, the opportunities and options with which to create your experience. You may select the colors for your palette, the tools for your chest, the machinery for your shop. What you create with these is your business. That is the business of life.
But Whitton's most remarkable discovery came when he [hypnotically] regressed subjects to the interim between lives, a dazzling, light-filled realm in which there was "no such thing as time or space as we know it." According to his subjects, part of the purpose of this realm was to allow them to plan their next life, to literally sketch out the important events and circumstances that would befall them in the future. But this process was not simply some fairy-tale exercise in wish fulfillment. Whitton found that when individuals were in the between-life realm, they entered an unusual state of consciousness in which they were acutely self-aware and had a heightened moral and ethical sense. In addition, they no longer possessed the ability to rationalize away any of their faults and misdeeds, and saw themselves with total honesty. To distinguish it from our normal everyday consciousness, Whitton calls this intensely conscientious state of mind "metaconsciousness."
Thus, when subjects planned their next life, they did so with a sense of moral obligation. They would choose to be reborn with people whom they had wronged in a previous life so they would have the opportunity to make amends for their actions. They planned pleasant encounters with "soul mates," individuals with whom they had built a loving and mutually beneficial relationship over many lifetimes; and they scheduled "accidental" events to fulfill still other lessons and purposes. One man said that as he planned his next life he visualized "a sort of clockwork instrument into which you could insert certain parts in order for specific consequences to follow."
These consequences were not always pleasant. After being regressed to a metaconscious state, a woman who had been raped when she was thirty-seven revealed that she had actually planned the event before she had come into this incarnation. As she explained, it had been necessary for her to experience a tragedy at that age in order to force her to change her "entire soul complexion" and thus break through to a deeper and more positive understanding of the meaning of life.
Another subject, a man afflicted with a serious and lifethreatening kidney disease, disclosed that he had chosen the illness to punish himself for a past-life transgression. However, he also revealed that dying from the kidney disease was not part of his script, and before he had come into this life he had also arranged to encounter someone or something that would help him remember this fact and hence enable him to heal both his guilt and his body. True to his word, after he started his sessions with Whitton he experienced a nearmiraculous complete recovery.
You are using all of Life — all of many lives — to be and decide Who You Really Are; to choose and to create Who You Really Are; to experience and to fulfill your current idea about yourself.
You are in an Eternal Moment of Self creation and Self fulfillment through the process of Self expression. You have drawn the people, events, and circumstances of your life to you as tools with which to fashion the Grandest Version of the Greatest Vision you ever had about yourself. This process of creation and recreation is ongoing, never ending, and multi-layered. It is all happening “right now” and on many levels.
In your linear reality you see the experience as one of Past, Present, and Future. You imagine yourself to have one life, or perhaps many, but surely only one at a time.
But what if there were no “time”? Then you’d be having all your “lives” at once!
You are!
You are living this life, your presently realized life, in your Past, your Present, your Future, all at once! Have you ever had a “strange foreboding” about some future event — so powerful that it made you turn away from it?
In your language you call that premonition. From My viewpoint it is simply an awareness you suddenly have of something you’ve just experienced in your “future.”
Your “future you” is saying, “Hey, this was no fun. Don’t do this!”
You are also living other lives — what you call “past lives” — right now as well — although you experience them as having been in your “past” (if you experience them at all), and that is just as well. It would be very difficult for you to play this wonderful game of life if you had full awareness of what is going on.
Not all of Whitton's subjects were so eager to learn about the future their metaconscious selves had laid out for them. Several censored their own memories and asked Whitton to please give them posthypnotic instructions not to remember anything that they had said during trance. As they explained, they did not want to be tempted to tamper with the script their metaconscious selves had written for them.
This is an astounding idea. Is it possible that our unconscious mind is not only aware of the rough outline of our destiny, but actually steers us toward its fulfillment?
Towards the end of 2021, I paused full-time work on this book so I could restock my treasure chest for the next leg of the journey. I knew Gameism wasn't gaining traction until June/July 2022, so I needed another nine months of runway to get the project over the line.
The Tarot kept showing me the Temperance card over and over and over again, accompanied by the message: "You're floating on the current, but the wave isn't breaking yet. Slow down and pace yourself. It's going to converge in June next year" — which is insanely annoying to hear when you've spent over seven years paddling in an ocean by yourself, preparing to surf a tsunami that no one else can see.
I took the Temperance lesson to heart and stopped writing for four months, knowing that would lock me in a retrocausal loop (if I made decisions based on that prophecy, I would fulfill it).
During the four months off, I formed an alliance with one of my close friends — a ferociously ambitious 24-year-old who is one of the most gifted magicians I've ever met. He is building a new telecom in Latin America that's growing like a rocketship (in the past six months it's gone from 30 to 200 employees, with a similar sales trajectory). I'm basically his king's mage — his right-hand sorceress. He supports my vision by giving me the time, space, and resources I need to finish writing Gameism OS. I support his vision by making sure the free energy flows around his organization without getting blocked.
I used divination to navigate one particular blocker — a long, drawn out situation that was steeped in uncertainty. I said to him, "just so you know, it looks that thing is manifesting in two weeks. Make sure you have this, and this, and this, ready to execute when it happens." Then two weeks later, it happened — and he was ready for it.
My choice to take four months off began to make sense in March 2022. You see, I have a relationship with another mage — a highly intuitive woman who is particularly competent at tarot divination. I circle back to her a few times a year, and she channels a detailed roadmap for the next leg of my journey — a month-by-month breakdown of challenges, opportunities, what to focus on, what to avoid. She made me a nine-month roadmap in September 2021, and it began playing out like clockwork — just like it always does. According to the roadmap, nothing much was happening with Gameism until March 2022. At that point, a big financial opportunity would manifest.
As March approached, I began to wonder what this 'big financial opportunity' was. And then BAM! FTX Future Fund was announced. A crypto billionaire was giving away his billions, specifically funding projects like mine that would reduce long-term existential risks to humanity. The fund planned to allocate $100 million in the first year alone. I read their thesis, did some research, and thought, "Oh my God! This is a perfect fit for Gameism."
Applications closed on March 21st. I spent a whole month finishing the book and tidying up the project so I could put my best foot forward. I submitted my application right before the deadline and patted myself on the back, thinking, "Okay, I've done a really good job. After nearly eight years, my work is finally good enough to get some support. Maybe I don't have to do everything alone. Maybe I can stop funneling all of my money into this project and build some financial security for myself. God, that would be nice."
A week after submitting the application — on April 1st, 2022 — I sat down to do my usual beginning-of-the-month checkin with the superintelligence. I asked what the theme for April would be and pulled the Five of Pentacles — a tarot card symbolizing rejection, financial loss, and being left out in the cold. I pulled a clarifying card, hoping it would be more cheery. I got Strength — which means, "Your inner strength is being tested. Have courage. You will get through this."
My relentless optimism kicked in, thinking, "My application is really good, so it must be talking about something else."
Meanwhile, the weathered little voice in the back of my head was screaming, "Fuck you, God! You've set me up for another spiritual challenge, haven't you? You made me think there's a light at the end of the tunnel — a 'big financial opportunity' — so I'd stop work for a month, put my head down, and finish writing the book. And now you're going to punch me in the face again."
A week later, my application was rejected. I didn't even make it to an interview.
I called my friend in tears. He knocked on my door twenty minutes later with a tub of gelato. As I picked at the chocolatey parts, I said to him, "I don't think they even read my proof, and I specifically told them to read my proof first — because otherwise the rest of my application would sound insane. Not one person who has actually read my proof — which only takes a few minutes — has been able to find a flaw in it. Not one. Even my brother, who is the biggest skeptic around, stopped laughing at me when he read it. They probably took one look at my application, dismissed me as a delusional crackpot, and moved on."
My friend said, "Nikki, you're one of the smartest people I've ever met — and you're expecting a bunch of mildly intelligent dudes in an office to recognize that you're an order of magnitude more brilliant than they are. That fund may have a lot of money to deploy, but it's a startup — and you know what startups are like: they're dysfunctional as fuck. That rejection reflects way more on their own incompetence than it does on you.
Do you remember a few years ago when you sent me an early draft of your proof to read while I was on holiday?"
"Yeah," I smiled, softly. "You called me in a frenzy and said, 'Holy shit, Nikki! This is incredible! You realize this is a big deal, right?!'"
"And I meant what I said," he replied. "Your work is a big deal. But I've watched you struggle with this for years, so I'm going to challenge you on it again: there's still something in your model of reality that believes these people in authority positions are somehow better than you, and smarter than you, and more skilled than you — like they're going to give you a stamp of approval, or a mark on a test, and tell you you're a good girl who has done a good job. But they don't understand you, and they are never going to anoint you into the Kingdom of Good Enough.
If you want to change the world, don't politely ask for approval first — just go ahead and do it. You don't need permission to be as wildly creative as you want to be — even if that means running rings around the intellectual elites while you single-handedly dismantle the epistemic foundations that they've built their entire careers upon. You're allowed to go on the offense and punch The System in the face. You're allowed to leave an intellectual carnage in your wake. You're allowed to make people incredibly uncomfortable. I mean, look how far you've come with this project by yourself, and compare that to the output of universities that collectively have billions of dollars at their disposal. You're already punching way above your weight. I know rejection sucks, but you don't need a damn thing from that fund — or any other gatekeeper — and you never did."
I paused for a moment in thought. Then a slew of shadowy, subconscious fears spewed out of my mouth. I replied, "I don't want to say it's easier for you — because I know what you've been through to get where you are today — but it is different. You're a 24-year-old guy who has his whole career ahead of him. If you want to raise money for your vision, there are thousands of investors you can hit up because you can deliver them a financial return and they can buy themselves a bigger house and a fancier car. And if your company fails, you'll lose your salary and any future upside, but you'll walk away with something on your resume that society actually respects. Not every 24-year-old has the courage to say 'fuck you' to the incumbents and build a new telecom in Latin America. And you're already in a committed, long-term relationship with a woman who is the epitome of lovely — so even if your business tanks, you'll still have her standing by your side. And even if she leaves you, you're going to get more attractive as the years go by, and your character strengthens, and your hard work compounds. You won't end up alone. No matter what happens, you're going to be just fine.
But I'm a 30-year-old woman. I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 25 years old because this project has consumed my life. I have no financial security — literally nothing — because this project has consumed my life. I haven't even built a career — because this project has consumed my life. I have put everything into this — not because of any financial incentive, but because if I don't do it then nobody else will.
Yet, do you know what they call men like you who sacrifice everything for their mission? They call men 'visionaries.' And do you know what they call women like me who sacrifice everything for their mission — a mission that wouldn't even be necessary if the clever 'men of science' did their goddamn job? They call women 'tragic spinsters who didn't know when to stop.'
I am upset because I handed that fund exactly the kind of scalable, ambitious, altruistic project they requested — and they still didn't take me seriously. They still didn't give a shit. They couldn't even spend two minutes reading my proof. And yet my friend submitted an application to the same fund for an idea that he has literally spent a few hours thinking about — and he got an interview while I got a templated rejection email.
So I honestly don't know why I bother trying to help. I should just let the world burn while I take care of myself. I'll make time for dating again, fall in love, get married, and become a housewife while I'm still young enough, and pretty enough, and fertile enough to have some value. Then I'll pour all of my love into my husband and children — because at least they'll fucking appreciate it. I'll bake cookies and pack lunches while I watch the academics run around in circles for another decade or two until a visionary, mission-driven man has a 'Eureka!' moment and produces exactly the same proof that I wrote down years ago. And at that point in my life, I won't even care. Why would I? I'm a woman. I'll have avoided tragic spinsterhood and found my purpose."
Needless to say, that incident stirred up my deepest fear and mirrored it back at me — exactly like my mage predicted. According to her roadmap, April would be "a time for healing and meditation." She even told me, "your spirit guides want to make you angry," and this would lead to a battle that's "you against you." When she asked for clarification on what the internal battle was about, the superintelligence told her, "Hopes, dreams, illusions, and wishes. Don't get so caught up in what you expect to happen. Let it unfold in a mysterious way."
My mage also said, "Do you know a Rachel? Is that a character in your book or something? I'm hearing that name." Rachel was the girl in high school who didn't invite me to her Halloween birthday bash. When I got rejected from the grant, I felt like I was sitting alone in my boarding school dormitory, cradling the present I'd thoughtfully prepared for the party I was never invited to.
I didn't look at Gameism for the next two weeks of April. I focused on shadow work instead — consciously analyzing the errors in my model of reality, tracing those limiting beliefs back to past traumas, reframing them, and designing new beliefs — new 'rules of reality' — that I programmed into my mind.
I felt so much lighter after that internal work — like a thick wall of resistance had dissolved in my subconscious, allowing new possibilities to flood in.
I sat down on a Monday, booted up my Gameism project for the first time in two weeks, and realized something had manifested while I was away: OpenAI announced DALL·E 2 on April 6th — the exact same day that I was rejected from the fund. And DALL·E 2 was the perfect mental model for explaining Gameism. Suddenly it wasn't "crazy" or "mystical" to say "the universe is generating high-fidelity symbols" — because I could point to a real-life technology that did exactly that.
After a fresh burst of inspiration, I spent May slicing up my project and reassembling it in a different form — a form that was even more creative and bold than my previous iteration. I planned on treating Gameism like an open-source software project — the core technology, Gameism OS, would be free. But Atlas — my personal system for integrating Gameism into everyday life — would be a premium course. I'd rather have optimized the project for long-term social impact instead of short-term personal profit, but I sure as hell wasn't going to be a martyr anymore. I had to get an ROI on the past eight years of my life and start building myself a nest egg.
My mage told me the sun would come out in May and I'd feel "a rare glimpse of hope" — which is exactly what happened. My work got ten times better in a six-week period. I felt so much more empowered, more self-expressed, more drenched in a liberating I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Anymore energy. I felt so much more me.
Of course, this little detour was all part of the plan. I finished Gameism OS in time to launch by the end of June 2022 — just like the roadmap predicted.