"Wait — what?!" Zac snapped. "Are you saying I'm not thinking my own thoughts? I know the algorithm gives me my thoughts, but are my thoughts actually being injected into my mind to serve a higher purpose? If that's the case, then isn't everything deterministic? Like, my life has already been set out for me, and this God algorithm is giving me thoughts and ideas and impulses to lead me to wherever it wants me to go? Am I just God's pawn in some mathematical master plan? Do I even have free will?"
"If I said you have no free will, how would you feel?" I asked.
"Pretty hopeless," he replied. "What's the point in trying if my fate is already sealed? I may as well choose complacency."
"And how would you feel if I said you do have free will?" I asked.
"I like that idea much better. It makes me feel like I have some control over my life."
"Ah, but you see — an infinitely intelligent God algorithm would know that's how you'd respond, and would have already accounted for both scenarios. This algorithm knows you because it is you. Your neural network is a holographic fragment of its neural network. It can read you like a book because it is the book."
"So what's the answer, then?" Zac asked. "Do I have free will, or do I not have free will?"
"Yes, you have free will."
"Fuck yeah! I'm going to make my life amazing! I'm going to take all the risks and do all the things! Fuck determinism. I'm in control!" He threw his arms in the air in triumph.
"I'm glad you made that decision. I told you what you needed to hear in order to play into God's algorithmic plan, which is predetermined."
"What?!" He stared at me, mouth gaping open. "What the fuck? So I don't have free will? What's the point then? I give up. Peace out, life. Why would I go through all the effort of improving myself if it's all predetermined anyway?"
"God knew you'd say that, Zac. Your fate is to become a boring old slob who never saves himself from the oblivion of non-realization."
"Then fuck God and his plan!" Zac roared. "I'm going to make my life into the best life ever! I'll show him!"
"Oh, he knows you will. That's why he told me to tell you that you had no free will. He knew you'd try to stick it to him. He knew your motivation to prove God wrong would make you behave differently, versus if I just told you that you do have free will."
"Oh my God, Nikki! I'm so confused." He grabbed both of my shoulders and shook them. "Do I have free will, or not? Yes or no?"
I flashed him a cheeky smile. "I don't know. Do you?"
"What's that supposed to mean? It's either yes or no."
"Or it's yes and no."
"I don't get it," he whined. "I really want to know the answer to this."
"Then buckle up, buttercup. We've got a bumpy ride until that part of the mystery unravels."
"Fine," he said as he crossed his arms. "What's next?"
